Wedding Wars!
Wedding Wars – How to Avoid Feuds Before And On Your Big Day
By: Sophie Cross - Hens.com.au PR Chick
Date: April 2008
From Henzilla’s to Monsters in Law or Family and Fiends…what is it about a wedding that brings out the worst in some people?I suspect we’ll never really get to the bottom of this, but there is a LOT of psychology going on. Are mother- in laws, best friends or sisters living vicariously through you? Do they think it’s actually THEIR wedding?
Are your parents treating your wedding as their opportunity to have the wedding they never had; go one better than the family across the road or prove how successful and popular they are by inviting anyone they’ve ever met, regardless of whether you know them or not? Do they think you really care about great auntie Ada whom you’ve never met and thought was dead anyway?
The fact is family and close friends often want to take over your wedding for their own agenda but it’s YOUR day and don’t forget it. Unfortunately there will have to be compromises, but only in a couple of areas, the rest is NON NEGOTIABLE! Here are a few tips to consider:
If you have lots of very close girlfriends or several sisters fighting over who’s the most important and who can be bridesmaid, then don’t choose any of them! There’s bound to be a niece, cousin or some family offspring under ten who’d be great as a flowergirl, page boy and won’t give you any grief. You then say to your friends and sisters, I love you all equally and I want you all to have a fantastic time at my wedding, free to enjoy yourselves rather than wait on me. Will they buy it? You can only try, otherwise choose one only if at all possible. NEVER have more than four.
The easiest thing is to find a style that suits all shapes and sizes so all the girls look gorgeous and the same. Generally a floor length, bias cut, silk or satin unstructured dress is great with a loose cowl neck that will look great on skinny, weighty, flat or big chested girls! Anyway, although you want them to be happy, they must remember they are not the stars of the show or there to upstage you. They are your support act and should be happy with that. If you’re happy to do so and only have one or two bridesmaids, you can give them a colour and fabric type and tell them to just find themselves a style that suits them from the same shop. This is too dangerous with more than one or two. It can end up looking VERY messy.
Are your parents paying for the wedding? If so you’re going to have to give in to something so it may as well be a few extra guests as opposed to something crucial like your dress, your decorations or your chosen venue. But you can introduce a rule such as: “If I’ve never met them or haven’t seen them for over 2 years, they’re not coming… “. This can also work between bride and groom and their list of friends.
Unless you’re really set on a particular menu or type of food, you can let your mum get involved here… really no-one pays any attention to or remembers the food afterward. What they DO remember is if you’re stingy on the wine! So keep it flowing.
NO NEGOTIATION on the following!
It’s your big day remember. You have the chance to have the dress you’ve always wanted. Listen to objective advice about the style that suits you (this is best from a boutique owner or designer, not your friends and family). DO NOT be compromised by your mother or mother in law and their ideas and tastes. There is no question about it, if you do, you will regret it big time.
As long as it’s within your budget, there should be no issue. This is where your dream day is going to be held. If it’s crap, the staff are crap or it doesn’t have a wet weather contingency, don’t use it, even if it is owned by your mum’s butcher’s brother who’s doing it for a special rate! Again, you will regret it!
Readings, hymns etc. You want to remember the ceremony, love it, love the people you’ve chosen to speak and know that what’s being said is personal and meaningful to YOU. You don’t want to cringe your way through it and spend your time desperately hoping it will end.
This is crucial. The photographer is the person that will create your wedding memories, long after the champagne fuelled haze has disappeared! Make sure he or she is a good one, chosen by you and that you have had full control of the sorts of photos you want and how you want to have them presented. Also negotiate that you have a disk of all the shots (without their seal all over them) in case you want to print any more later on. Most good photographers will do this. Those who won’t are ripping you off.
